MAN ADVICE

[sjb2k1]

madie gettin romantic!

[philviral]

i still think you should go for it. pack up and move when you get the money. if you really love her, do whatever you need to do to make it work. if you get screwed over, or get your heart broken, at least you know you tired. you won't have to wonder 'what if'.

You'll still wonder what if, it will just be a different what if. "What if I left that crazy broad alone and stayed back home??"

[Guest]

or he could be like... what if I could've had an amazing life with this girl but I fucked it up?

I don't know, I'm feeling optimistic today. tomorrow I will go back to my bitter self.

[sjb2k1]

have you moved back in with your parents yet Ryan? my latest development is that i'm not gonna be able to move out of my house without taking a bath on the sale, so my saving ability just tanked! a second job isn't an option for me (yay random nights and weekends with little notice), but maybe for you?

[BuzzersonKillwell]

This is where the realist in me kicks in. Sure, you could pack up and move and try to work it out. Or you could find someone equally amazing, maybe even right where you are. The idea that there is one person for anyone is patently ridiculous, there are probably hundreds of thousands of people you could be super happy with and I'm purposefully keeping that number low.

I know the idea of "the one" is romantic, but shit man, I find it wholly depressing to believe there is such a limited number of compatible partners. People spend too much time trying to salvage the unsalvageable because they think it is irreplaceable. It isn't. From my point of view you're putting in a lot of work into something that, at this point, doesn't seem that rad. Get rad.

[selfreliable]

i still think you should go for it. pack up and move when you get the money. if you really love her, do whatever you need to do to make it work. if you get screwed over, or get your heart broken, at least you know you tired. you won't have to wonder 'what if'.

This works in theory but considering he would have to move across the country and then move back if it didnt work and waste a good chunk of his young life it just isnt worth it. It isnt like it is a guarantee that if he moves and puts his life on hold it will work out, it just means they will have sex a few times. If she is giving you issues now and it is long distance what will it be like when you uproot and move for her? It sounds to me like she likes the attention that you give her, likes the romantic gesture that is moving across country to be with her, but it will wear off (hell it already has for her) and she will go back to her non-relationship ways.

[Guest]

This is where the realist in me kicks in. Sure, you could pack up and move and try to work it out. Or you could find someone equally amazing, maybe even right where you are. The idea that there is one person for anyone is patently ridiculous, there are probably hundreds of thousands of people you could be super happy with and I'm purposefully keeping that number low.

I know the idea of "the one" is romantic, but shit man, I find it wholly depressing to believe there is such a limited number of compatible partners. People spend too much time trying to salvage the unsalvageable because they think it is irreplaceable. It isn't. From my point of view you're putting in a lot of work into something that, at this point, doesn't seem that rad. Get rad.

Maybe this is the emotional girl in me I have to totally disagree with this. what i’m about to say is going to be really pathetic and cheesy. but I think we are lucky if we find even one person in our lifetime that we could spend forever with. it’s not about finding someone who you can be happy with, because you’re right, there are thousands of people you can settle down and be content with, but who wants that? To be complacent in a relationship sounds like a death sentence to me.

I feel like that’s why the divorce rate keeps climbing. people all of the sudden go ‘oh shit, I’m 29, time to get married.’ and just settle. I think it’s more about finding that one person you know you can’t live without.

[selfreliable]

Maybe this is the emotional girl in me I have to totally disagree with this. what i’m about to say is going to be really pathetic and cheesy. but I think we are lucky if we find even one person in our lifetime that we could spend forever with. it’s not about finding someone who you can be happy with, because you’re right, there are thousands of people you can settle down and be content with, but who wants that? To be complacent in a relationship sounds like a death sentence to me.

I feel like that’s why the divorce rate keeps climbing. people all of the sudden go ‘oh shit, I’m 29, time to get married.’ and just settle. I think it’s more about finding that one person you know you can’t live without.

With that logic though, you would think that the one person you are meant to be with would start out a bit better than it has with Ryan and this lady. This seems like someone you settle for opposed to someone that is head over heels meant to be with you forever.

[BuzzersonKillwell]

Maybe this is the emotional girl in me I have to totally disagree with this. what i’m about to say is going to be really pathetic and cheesy. but I think we are lucky if we find even one person in our lifetime that we could spend forever with. it’s not about finding someone who you can be happy with, because you’re right, there are thousands of people you can settle down and be content with, but who wants that? To be complacent in a relationship sounds like a death sentence to me.

I feel like that’s why the divorce rate keeps climbing. people all of the sudden go ‘oh shit, I’m 29, time to get married.’ and just settle. I think it’s more about finding that one person you know you can’t live without.

If there is truly that ONE person you can't live without, well, I hope you like living without them. The divorce rate could also keep climbing because statistically your chances of actually finding that person are next to none.

To be clear, I'm saying there are a shit ton of people you might feel like you couldn't live without. Our outlooks aren't mutually exclusive.

[sjb2k1]

i used to think my ex-wife was bar none the love of my life and that is fucking SO SOSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wrong i cannot even tell you. as a result of this relationship i'm very reluctant to use phrases like that, finally got comfortable with the idea of forever again, shit

[Dashhax]

I think anyone can find someone they "Love" I think we are all given the opportunity to meet our one true "soulmate" I just think most people through no fault of their own get overly attached to quickly and mistake sex for love or finding someone they love that they think is their "soulmate" You just need to take your time and think it through, lay out all the pros and cons and see if it's really worth it. To move to another state for someone who isn't a relationship person seems like a rash decision. Given time perhaps she can become a relationship person Ry but that seems like a big gamble to move everything to be with someone who might not decide to put 100% effort in.

[mcm1610]

"I gotta see about a girl."

You've all seen Good Will Hunting, right? The girl is worth giving up World Series tickets and a job doing whatever the hell Matt Damon eventually got hired for.

[sjb2k1]

yeah but minnie driver in 1997 man....mmmmmm

[Guest]

boy did i miss a bunch of conversation!

so when i say shes not a relationship person, its because shes dismissive of all men. shes had a couple little things here and there, but from the first night we started talking, she knew i wasnt other guys. for the first couple months it was a struggle to uncover any faults that the other had. im pretty sure we each questioned whether this was some sort of elaborate put-on that we were being conned into.

i know it sounds like a lot for me to say "yeah, i found this great girl, and im going to move halfway across the country". because that is a pretty big deal. but the fact is that over a year ago i set my sights on graduating, and then getting the fuck out of western massachusetts. at the time, my sights were set on boston, but just days before things got going with us one of my best friends challenged me to go elsewhere.

i know that theres a chance that i get there and things dont work out... but that doesnt mean i have to pack up and come home. indy is an awesome city and somewhere that i want to live. and not that im required to date or anything, but there doesnt seem to be a shortage of good looking women out there.

her and i skyped last night, and we reached much better terms. it really comes down to the fact that if were going to stay together we need to be together. october flights are dirt cheap, and she offered to go half with me. so while we accept that the idea of me moving there is going to be delayed, at least we have something to plan.. something to look forward to and be excited about. also hoping that by then, i can seriously look into apartments to consider.

i also just need to figure out a way to stop being broke. i have moved back in with my parents, so thats helping significantly. but i need a second job. and i also need to start putting in more work at my current job.. i think i got complacent with shitty production numbers, and it was starting to show. fortunately, ive got helpful team members in my ear.

a second job is probably going to be necessary out there too.

[Dashhax]

boy did i miss a bunch of conversation!

so when i say shes not a relationship person, its because shes dismissive of all men. shes had a couple little things here and there, but from the first night we started talking, she knew i wasnt other guys. for the first couple months it was a struggle to uncover any faults that the other had. im pretty sure we each questioned whether this was some sort of elaborate put-on that we were being conned into.

i know it sounds like a lot for me to say "yeah, i found this great girl, and im going to move halfway across the country". because that is a pretty big deal. but the fact is that over a year ago i set my sights on graduating, and then getting the fuck out of western massachusetts. at the time, my sights were set on boston, but just days before things got going with us one of my best friends challenged me to go elsewhere.

i know that theres a chance that i get there and things dont work out... but that doesnt mean i have to pack up and come home. indy is an awesome city and somewhere that i want to live. and not that im required to date or anything, but there doesnt seem to be a shortage of good looking women out there.

her and i skyped last night, and we reached much better terms. it really comes down to the fact that if were going to stay together we need to be together. october flights are dirt cheap, and she offered to go half with me. so while we accept that the idea of me moving there is going to be delayed, at least we have something to plan.. something to look forward to and be excited about. also hoping that by then, i can seriously look into apartments to consider.

i also just need to figure out a way to stop being broke. i have moved back in with my parents, so thats helping significantly. but i need a second job. and i also need to start putting in more work at my current job.. i think i got complacent with shitty production numbers, and it was starting to show. fortunately, ive got helpful team members in my ear.

a second job is probably going to be necessary out there too.

As to help you get some more money I'm sure selling a few of your records can help pay for a flight or to. I'm sure plenty of people here would be willing to buy from you.

[daegor]

I think we are lucky if we find even one person in our lifetime that we could spend forever with. it’s not about finding someone who you can be happy with, because you’re right, there are thousands of people you can settle down and be content with, but who wants that? To be complacent in a relationship sounds like a death sentence to me.

I feel like that’s why the divorce rate keeps climbing. people all of the sudden go ‘oh shit, I’m 29, time to get married.’ and just settle. I think it’s more about finding that one person you know you can’t live without.

this, but so much more than this.

Don't settle. I don't know that I believe in the romantic idea of a "soulmate", but I waited until I found someone who I knew that I would go through anything for, and in turn respected and value me for who I was.

It required that I spend a lot of time (around 4-5 years) riding solo until I had come to a acceptable level of self worth (I had issues). If you don't think you're worth anything, the "in turn respected and value me for who I was" part won't pan out well.

Step 1, love yourself (in a non egotistical way), Step 2, check your emotions at the door and ask if the other person is really worth it, and if they really respect you, Step 3, fucking bite the bullet and commit that the other person is more important to you than you are to you.

Long term relationships are a fuckton of work, and sometimes it sucks. It's all about perspective and recognizing reality versus emotion (both positive and negative emotion).

EDIT: Also, by no means saying that everyone achieves a successful long term relationship by the same means, but it worked for me, 6 year relationship, 3 years married, first baby due any day now.

Edited August 11, 2012 by daegor

[jase]

boy did i miss a bunch of conversation!

so when i say shes not a relationship person, its because shes dismissive of all men. shes had a couple little things here and there, but from the first night we started talking, she knew i wasnt other guys. for the first couple months it was a struggle to uncover any faults that the other had. im pretty sure we each questioned whether this was some sort of elaborate put-on that we were being conned into.

i know it sounds like a lot for me to say "yeah, i found this great girl, and im going to move halfway across the country". because that is a pretty big deal. but the fact is that over a year ago i set my sights on graduating, and then getting the fuck out of western massachusetts. at the time, my sights were set on boston, but just days before things got going with us one of my best friends challenged me to go elsewhere.

i know that theres a chance that i get there and things dont work out... but that doesnt mean i have to pack up and come home. indy is an awesome city and somewhere that i want to live. and not that im required to date or anything, but there doesnt seem to be a shortage of good looking women out there.

her and i skyped last night, and we reached much better terms. it really comes down to the fact that if were going to stay together we need to be together. october flights are dirt cheap, and she offered to go half with me. so while we accept that the idea of me moving there is going to be delayed, at least we have something to plan.. something to look forward to and be excited about. also hoping that by then, i can seriously look into apartments to consider.

i also just need to figure out a way to stop being broke. i have moved back in with my parents, so thats helping significantly. but i need a second job. and i also need to start putting in more work at my current job.. i think i got complacent with shitty production numbers, and it was starting to show. fortunately, ive got helpful team members in my ear.

a second job is probably going to be necessary out there too.

Start looking for jobs in indy then! Right now, email labor hire companies letting them know you're going to be there in october. Don't tell them it's only a few days. Get the ball rolling. You need money, start thinking about your potential new life in Indy. You will need a job, get that ball rolling ASAP.

Once you've done that, and exhausted every avenue of potential jobs, email the companies back and check in, every week. You will find a job out there for you, it might not be a glamourous job, but it'll give you cash in your pocket to spend on your lady friend. AND give you a reason to stick around there for a bit longer.

Leave your belongings at your folks home, go to Indy and be with your girl, arrive with a bag of clothes. Nothing else matters

[Guest]

well the thing is, my company is all over the country. we own the pacers arena (bankers life field house) thats right in the heart of the city. so i could transfer there right now if i wanted to.

but again, theres no confidence that switching cities will turn my employment from making zero dollars, to making a ton of dollars. so out there, ill need exactly what i need here, now.. which is a part time job on top of it.'

casey might appreciate this... i emailed mustache rides. its a taxi service in indy that caters to the young go hards, and the drivers sport sweet staches.

i read that theyre looking to expand their fleet, so i asked them if that meant additional hires. pretty sure that my driving record, personality, and of course my ability to rock some serious lip spinach.. pretty sure that would all be enough to qualify me.

[tkelly426]

Maybe this is the emotional girl in me I have to totally disagree with this. what i’m about to say is going to be really pathetic and cheesy. but I think we are lucky if we find even one person in our lifetime that we could spend forever with. it’s not about finding someone who you can be happy with, because you’re right, there are thousands of people you can settle down and be content with, but who wants that? To be complacent in a relationship sounds like a death sentence to me.

I feel like that’s why the divorce rate keeps climbing. people all of the sudden go ‘oh shit, I’m 29, time to get married.’ and just settle. I think it’s more about finding that one person you know you can’t live without.

If you really stop and think about it, we all settle-slowly. I've been married 4 years and Ive been through enough to know the pros and cons in my marriage(A) you can bail on This absurd hollywood idea of love and start workin on your relationship or( you can bail on your relationship because you don't feel this is livin up to your IDEA OF LOVE.

[ticotico]

i married my dog

[Dashhax]

i married my dog

Do you get a tax break?

[hipsterasfolk]

well the thing is, my company is all over the country. we own the pacers arena (bankers life field house) thats right in the heart of the city. so i could transfer there right now if i wanted to.

but again, theres no confidence that switching cities will turn my employment from making zero dollars, to making a ton of dollars. so out there, ill need exactly what i need here, now.. which is a part time job on top of it.'

casey might appreciate this... i emailed mustache rides. its a taxi service in indy that caters to the young go hards, and the drivers sport sweet staches.

i read that theyre looking to expand their fleet, so i asked them if that meant additional hires. pretty sure that my driving record, personality, and of course my ability to rock some serious lip spinach.. pretty sure that would all be enough to qualify me.

I really want to hit up Indi now. College adventures ahoy!

[Guest]

imagine ry bread yo casey casey and hipsterasfolk out for a night on the town...

[hobohunter48]

[mcm1610]

Haha love it.