Long distance relationships

[ronniegwilliams]

So, a lot of people here know me and if they followed me throughout the man advice thread they maybe followed as I lived the single life up until the committed relationship life. So I'm curious, who on here is doing the long distance thang? I am currently, and I hate it. I am not a jealous person, not have I ever been, but I'm finding myself becoming more and more jealous as the days become weeks and I'm still miles away. Anyone have any tips? Anyone have any stories that may seem relatable? Also, now that my girl lives miles away I'm having my records shipped to our address in D.C. and she has no idea what to so with my records once received, which is a bit worrisome.

[chriswamsley]

how far?

 

I live 3 hours (without traffic) from my girlfriend which really takes about 5-6 hours of travel to see one another yet we see each other every weekend (occasional off weekend) its hard but so worth it, she is just everything I want need and deserve ya know?

[dapeebs]

My past two girlfriends ended up almost being long distance relationships. One moved with their family to Alabama, and the other went back to college, two and a half hours away. The first I broke up with because we'd only been dating three months and that would be a good 20 hour distance between us. Wasnt really that into her anyway, so that made it easier. The second was mutual between us. Even its only a 3 hour drive, she didnt want a commitment and neither did I really.

Long distance is a very hard thing to maintain. I don't know you're story, so I can't give any better advice than this. If you really think you love this girl, than you just have to stick it out. Make sure you guys talk all the time. Whether it be on the phone,Skype, etc. If its a permanent situation, than I'd take everything into consideration and really think about it, and whether moving closer to her is an option or vice versa. But it never will not be a strenuous situation. It will never not be hard.

I'd like to try to give better advice, but I dont really know the situation. How long have you guys been together? How far in to it did she move? How do you feel about her?

[Satan]

I'll have to throw my 2 cents in tomorrow.

[Guest]

I feel this, it was pretty hard. But it makes us that much more appreciative of being together now.

I think the milestones were the hardest, when something good happened and you just wanted to be in the same physical space as the other person and celebrate and make them feel good, but all you could do was call/text.

We also sent packages every now and then, just little things we'd pick up that made us think of the other one.

How long until you're living with her?

[thebiglebowski]

I've been talking to this girl in California. Cute, nice, like her. Definitely not "in a relationship," though, which makes it pretty easy. I can return a text a day later and it doesn't matter (no probing questions).

She is from MI, so hoping she eventually comes back. It's kind of a nothing to lose situation, so I just keep going along with it.

[¯\_(ツ)_/¯]

Married the girl I started dating 3 hours apart for over a year, moved half way closer and dated another year an hour and a half apart, moved in together the next year and been together ever since. Long distance is all about trust and just ignoring those suspicious feelings

[caninesapien]

Do you both work, or is she/are you in college or something else? I have been in one real long-term-long-distance relationship and it was tough. She moved away to college (3 or 4 hours from our home town) after about a year of us being together and she was very worried that I would lose interest when I went to college a year later (a further 2 hours away).

 

I promised her it wouldn't change anything when I moved away and we were both in college, but things totally changed for her, before I even moved away, which I think was a little to do with new experiences/people at college and also having that extra barrier of time/distance to do stuff like cheat on me a bunch (I'm sorry that this is a downer story but it's just my experience. This was also my first real relationship so aside from the distance it was tough in other ways, like figuring out how a relationship is meant to work, whether we would work together long-term etc) I have to admit that things changed for me as well when it became long-distance:

 

Before the cheating etc the hardest parts were having to "check in" every night by phone/text etc despite not actually being able to see her for weeks on end. Felt like more of a chore than it should have. Travel was difficult, with costs, time etc. Both of us having new lives developing without the other was something we couldn't avoid. Lack of physical contact was a big problem.

 

More strength to you to make this work. In my experience: I found it hard and would have second thoughts about starting a LDR now, for sure. I've been with my current girlfriend for about 4 years and we have the strong foundation to make a LDR work now, because the trust, friendship and love is established already.

 

EDIT: all of the above happened over ten years ago now.

 

 

Also, what? :

 I'm having my records shipped to our address in D.C. and she has no idea what to so with my records once received, which is a bit worrisome.

[BuzzersonKillwell]

My wife was away to get her business license for a year but this was during Halo 2's prime so it was fine.

If you have a return date it seems easier. I'm not sure how I would have felt if there was no concrete plan to live together again.

[eshame]

i dated a girl long distance (1000 miles) for 2 years, then she moved here and we dated another 3 years, then we broke up. 

 

the end. 

[Team Avatar]

what ashame

[chefchino]

Long distance is all about trust and just ignoring those suspicious feelings

This

If you have a return date it seems easier. I'm not sure how I would have felt if there was no concrete plan to live together again.

This

Also find something to do. Seriously, something that involves time like fantasy football, video games, new instrument, carpentry, drug habit etc

My downfall was not filling up those little moments that i usually spent with her.

[Princess Logan]

I know relationships and friendships aren't the same, so my advice might not be the most relevant BUT it never hurts to share. 

Almost ALL of my friends have lived in different states growing up, my three absolutely best friends live in Florida over 1,000 miles away from me. It's always been about constant communication and learning how to be there for someone during a hard time, even if you can't be there physically. Sending packages at random and for birthdays/holidays definitely helped. When two of my friends lost their dad this year, a bunch of us went in and sent their family a really nice basket of things. 

 

It definitely helps you learn to appreciate the time you spend together so much more.

 

 

Also, there's this cutesy little app called 'couple.' I used to have it with a friend because we were lame, but it's meant for long distance relationships. It basically puts the best aspects of texting/snapchat/instagram/facebook etc. into one app but you can only be 'paired' with one other person. It's worth checking out, dudes might think it's a little silly though (because when I say cutesy, I mean cutesy.)

[eshame]

If you have a return date it seems easier. I'm not sure how I would have felt if there was no concrete plan to live together again.

 

yeah this is the best advice in the thread. you should have your next trip planned before you leave that person. at no point should you not have a "next time" you'll see them. never knowing when you'll see ANYONE again is weird, much less your SO. 

 

Also, there's this cutesy little app called 'couple.' I used to have it with a friend because we were lame, but it's meant for long distance relationships. It basically puts the best aspects of texting/snapchat/instagram/facebook etc. into one app but you can only be 'paired' with one other person. It's worth checking out, dudes might think it's a little silly though (because when I say cutesy, I mean cutesy.)

 

i think we used one called avocado. it was a little cutesy yeah, but if you're not being a little cutesy in your relationship what are you even doing 

[̮ ɤ ̮]

Also, there's this cutesy little app called 'couple.' I used to have it with a friend because we were lame, but it's meant for long distance relationships. It basically puts the best aspects of texting/snapchat/instagram/facebook etc. into one app but you can only be 'paired' with one other person. It's worth checking out, dudes might think it's a little silly though (because when I say cutesy, I mean cutesy.)

This reminds me of Taptap, a pair of bracelets, with which you can send touches to your partner over long distances.

[tarzioo_]

This reminds me of Taptap, a pair of bracelets, with which you can send touches to your partner over long distances.

That's adorable. Much like your username. Lol. It reminds me of rilakkuma. (I have no clue if I spelled that right. )

[edgedestroys]

All three relationships I've been in started out long distance, two ended that way before really going very far, one moved to be with me and lasted as a whole for two and a half years before we split. (fun fact, I wrote the album I've had in my signature to get over it lol) The best advice I have doesn't really apply to your situation since you're already in it but it's absolutely crucial to be someone's best friend before you're their boy/girlfriend, really know them well before you get too far into it. I mean, that's basically advice for any relationship but it's extra important when it comes to LDRs. Part of why my most recent ex broke up with me in july was because we both had a LOT of anxiety and a lot of it stemmed from trust issues since we didn't know each other as well as we should've before jumping into things. 

[rtw88]

I dated my (then) girlfriend long distance for a year after high school. We had been together for a year during high school and she didn't get into the university I was already committed to. I never found it to be all that difficult. Sure, yearning for them sucks but we talked every single day for probably at least an hour which wasn't much of a burden since I hated school and everyone there anyway, so it's not like I was missing out. She was luckily able to transfer up after a year and we've been living together since, currently are married, and are expecting our first kid this week. We probably visited each other roughly once a month. This was 8 years ago.

 

 

Really I think the most important thing is that both people are equally as committed to maintaining the relationship. For normal relationships, there isn't really any obstacle that can't be overcome long distance.

[castaway]

Trust is really crucial. I did long distance for about a year and it wasn't too hard since we trusted each other. She had pretty much exclusively guy friends and I thought nothing of it. 

 

We flew to see each other about once a month and split the plane tickets down the middle. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder and it worked for us because when we were apart we were able to focus on our career/schooling, and when we were together we just had a really awesome few days. Every time I saw her come out of the airport I got the tingles all over again. It was cool.

[ronniegwilliams]

In regards to how far: I'm in KS and she's in DC. I'll be there at the end of December. My name is even on the lease.

I've done the long distance thing in the past, but I don't remember getting jealous at all. This was also when I was 19, so I thought I was untouchable then. She's been hanging out in a group with new friends and there's a guy that hangs out with them. The two went to brunch once with just the two of them and I expressed that I wasn't fully comfortable with that and that if the roles were reversed she would feel the same, which she agreed. I'm not sure if I'm jealous that there's a guy she's hung out with or if I'm just jealous over the experiences she having without me there. I know she wouldn't do anything, but stupid brains trip you up sometimes

[HybridxReality]

I've been in many LDRs.

From MY experience, if you don't have any way to see your other half as of now, it probably won't work out.

But if you're really committed on doing so, then you can do it.

Many of mine happened when I was young and didn't have any way to see the girl I was dating and it always ended in heartbreak.

That doesn't mean that someone else's will end the same way, but I truly believe to make one work, you need to tell yourself if you're down for this girl.

If you're willing to commit to driving however many miles to her/him, then you can make it work.

Jealousy is a huge one. Especially when she goes and hangs out with guy friends.

I found myself depressed most of the time when she would hang out with her friends, yet I couldn't be there.

It's tough, but not impossible.

[flood]

^{for a couple years I was dating a girl who lived in Virginia beach/Richmond and we managed to see each other at least once a month (about 7 hours each way travel time) At the time it worked out great, we talked every day on the phone/aol but we both still had time to deal with everything else in our lives. And I used to tour a lot more early in my relationship with my wife, the longest being 3 months away from each other..  I was ok with it then, I don't think I could do it these days tho.}

[abovetheearth]

LDR's will work if you want them too. kinda like getting a puppy. you have to be committed and willing to walk it at 3am and clean up its poop and pee until it is old enough to learn.

 

my wife and i met in college. she lived three hours from me. we wrote letters twice a week. (before texting and cell phones)

 

every friday after work, id drive from KC to wichita and spend every second with her. i did so for 3 years.

 

because i wanted to see her and i knew where we both stood. thats key.

[turnstiles]

I think you have to be in the right headspace to be in a long distance relationship. I tried one when my high school girlfriend and I went away to different colleges. It was only 200 miles apart but it just didn't work because I was 18 and very immature.

I don't think I could be in a long distance relationship now unless I was ultimately and supremely bat shit crazy about the other person. You get what you give into a relationship and if you're willing to go the extra mile that should be enough.

[harryq]

honest question: what are you waiting for?  I mean, presumably you plan on living together (or at least living in the same town) at some point, so what's stopping you?

 

and in case that made me sound like an ass, I should mention that I just quit my job a year early and my girlfriend and I moved to atlanta to be together (I was in MO, she was in MN).  I really like her, and I figured it was worth risking my future career plans (I was one year into a 2-year postdoc, on the road toward getting a tenure-track faculty position) for the sake of our relationship.  obviously that wasn't a decision that I made lightly, but I did what I felt like I had to do.