MAN ADVICE

[codeine]

I knew this girl who I had to stop hanging out with cause all she ever talked about was prior hooks up. She literally had nothing else to talk about. Say we'd be driving down the street, turn the corner, she'd point at a house and be like 'I slept with a guy who lived there.' And this would happen allllll the time. I was like 'maaan I gotta delete this chicks number from my phone, this is way too heavy for me.' Literally she would point to a house and be like 'I banged so and so, and this is how we hooked up...' Then, driving in another neighbourhood, same thing, etc, etc. I had to go home and shower after being in her car.

Worst one of all though and this is kinda sad... I had a buddy many years ago, one of my best friends ever. Well about 8 years ago we lost contact and then next time I saw him, about 2 years ago, well it turned out during that time that I didn't know him, he'd struggled with a mental disorder, schizophrenia to be exact, but not only that he'd been smoking/shooting up on crack and staying in crack dens. I felt so bad when I ran into him, I tried to talk to him and he remembered me but wouldn't remember any of the good times we had... 

This is where the 2 stories converge: WAY back in the day when we were tight, totally best friends... he was walking home drunk one night and ran into that girl I mentioned in paragraph 1 and they basically looked at one another drunk at 2 am, random encounter on the street, and he took her home and told me about it the next day. So when I was hanging with her, this is years and years later, she proceeded to tell me the hookup story between them and I was thinkin in my head when she started to recount 'oh yeah I've heard this one before' but didn't say anything. So she goes on and it turns out she also hooked up with him post mental disorder/drug addiction, like just a year prior. So they hooked up once like in highschool and then again like 8 years later (after he'd become a crackhead/diagnosed schizophrenic who'd been arrested for arson and admitted to a mental institution because he set fire to a crack den he was slumming in.)

Then she finished up the story by telling me that she always locks her windows at night now because "he enters through the window" like literally verbatim that's what she told me, I will never forget that line. Ugh, I felt so filthy after hearing that story.

[scottheisel]

If I have to count on two hands the amount of dudes you fucked that are just my friends, Im going to call you a whore.

If you fuck me over because of another dude (cheat on me, leave me for them, etc...) Im going to call you a whore. Its not about judging, its about how you piss me off and what you did.

Dude, I think you have some issues regarding women that you need to resolve.

[codeine]

Its not 2000 anymore. No one should have an eyebrow ring.

If you have an eyebrow ring, I'm going to automatically assume you still listen to nu-metal.

[KennyFuckingPowers]

Dude, I think you have some issues regarding women that you need to resolve.

I was just kinda throwing out there examples that I could remember off the top of my had that I have used it. But yeah, I mean I understand what you mean.

[KennyFuckingPowers]

If you have an eyebrow ring, I'm going to automatically assume you still listen to nu-metal.

Yeah for some reason eyebrow rings always bring this to mind.... 

[billya]

I feel like guys are more offended by words that demean women than ladies are. A guy could call me a cunt in the most serious way possible, and it wouldn't even register to me as an insult. I would 0% be phased by it, no matter how it was intended.

 

I couldn't call a girl the c word, no matter the situation. I can't comprehend ever even having it happen in anger or anything.

[deafening]

I couldn't call a girl the c word, no matter the situation. I can't comprehend ever even having it happen in anger or anything.

 

When I was 12 my dad taught me this word. He didn't really tell me what it meant, but he told me to never, ever call a female this.

 

I like the word. It's a good sounding word, but I also think getting offended by anything is a waste of time.

[KennyFuckingPowers]

When I was 12 my dad taught me this word. He didn't really tell me what it meant, but he told me to never, ever call a female this.

 

I like the word. It's a good sounding word, but I also think getting offended by anything is a waste of time.

I like you.

[codeine]

This thread keeps reminding me of odd moments/people I've encountered in my life. One girl I used to date was like sort of a 'riot girl' type I guess you could say, pierced and tattooed, bisexual, interested in feminism. She had an obsession with the word 'cunt.' I remember we were shopping for books in a book store and there was some feminist book with the c-word HUGE on the cover and I was like 'whoa.' And she was like 'I love the word cunt.' I was like 'wha? really? why?' She's like 'I dunno I just like it, it sounds so flithy.' I just kept my thoughts to myself 'um... kay.' Then I found out much later that she liked to be called a 'slut' in bed. I knew she liked dirty talk which is fine, but I never broke that word out, this is how I found out...

Literally the last time we ever hooked up, mid-coitus, things were getting heating, lots of panting, nothing super freaky, pretty standard whoopie session. I said something like 'I fuckin' love you' (we had dated for like 1.5 years don't judge me!) or something like that, aw man recounting this story I feel so lame, anyways I was like panting so she misheard me... I don't know how you mishear that and turn it into this though: She said 'did you just call me a slut?' and starts like bucking wild... I didn't know what was happening it caught me totally off guard cause what I said sounding nothing like that and it totally fucked with my head. so I was like 'huh?' and she repeated 'did you just call me a slut?' and like I didn't realize at the time but she was super into it when she thought I said something to that effect and I was like 'wha? no I said I freakin' love you' and she's like 'oh' and seemed like disappointed or something. then post-sex I was running through it in my head and I was like 'man, was I supposed to just go with it?' Oh man so weird ... I'm way too much of a nice guy/pussy.

I think at first I was like 'did she mishear me and is now mad cause she thinks I called her a slut and then tried to cover it up by saying something else?' but then later it dawned on me that it was pretty much the exact opposite of that.

[Guest]

1. no needles near this dick

 

2. the food court situation is 3 chinese places that all serve the same thing, mcdonalds, bad mexican, subway, pizza, chicken shack. it all sucks and i eat way too much mcdonalds.

 

3. it never really crossed my mind, but whore isn't a word i use at all. i don't have a moral stance against it as much as it's not part of my vocabulary. unless i'm quoting mean girls, of course.

[ronniegwilliams]

I'm not huge on piercings, I have a one piercing on the face rule, no more than that.  I fully endorse a nose ring.  I also don't think nipple rings are trashy, they're actually pretty hot, but only as a set, not a single ring

[KennyFuckingPowers]

 pretty standard whoopie session.

[codeine]

I got another great good-guy Ark story, do you guys know what cosplay and omegle are? Hahaha

[KennyFuckingPowers]

Yeah when I was 15 my buddies and I would try to get girls to show us their tits on omegle. (who didnt? come on...)

[codeine]

K I'm just gonna roll with it and if no one reads my tale, whatever... Just to bring you up to speed Cosplay is like, people dressing up as characters from video games, comics, anime, etc. Well I'm a total nerd tbh and you guys are learning a lot about me today. Anyway cosplay is considered pretty subversive and a little taboo I guess cause a lot of it is really beautiful women dressing up as fictional characters. Lots of these characters can be seen as sexist and unrealistic and I think for lots of guys it's kind of like a childhood fantasy thing.. Anyway who doesn't like beautiful women, and I personally love cosplay because I am really interested in girls who are not only beautiful but ALSO have interests/skills/talents (in general, but also even better when they are similar to my own) A lot of these girls make all their own costumes, which is pretty awesome. It's also pretty brutal sometimes cause lots of female cosplayers get lewd comments from pervy guys because they will play a certain character or show lots of skin, or whatever.

And omegle is basically like chatroulette, only you can type keywords in and get matched up with people with the same interests as you.

So anyway two of my fav cosplayers posted on fb that they were webcamming on omegle so I went on trying to get randomly matched up with them to chat. Omegle is fucking CREEPY. It was ALL dudes and I'm pretty sure at least half of them were fapping below their computer desks. I also landed on a guy in a full-on bugs bunny costume sitting on the toilet... that was the weirdest one... so I was about ready to give up thinking 'man this is not worth it if its gonna be like chatroulette,' then I actually landed on them. I told them about the bugs bunny and we all cracked up and then I played ukulele for them and we talked about final fantasy. I was smiling the whole time and we were laughing, I thought it was fucking awesome that they actually interact with fans like that. At the same time the internet is fucking creepy as hell

I honestly don't know how women deal with the bullshit man, it's like most guys are either like 'nice tits' or 'you're a slut' I'm usually pretty disappointed in humanity as a whole but pig-headed guys are fucking good for nothing turds. They act like they've never seen a girl before.

[codeine]

Yeah to be honest, I think every 15 year old guy born after the advent of the internet has tried to get a free show over webcam. But I'm older, wiser, and much more interested in meeting like-minded girls, than going online and saying 'show me yr b00bz'.

[KennyFuckingPowers]

Not gonna lie, Id totally bang a girl dressed up as Sailor Moon. If you're a dude, are you really going to really tell me you wouldnt?

[abovetheearth]

i was very young when i lost my virginity. looking back at what could have happened, my kid could be 22.

[codeine]

I was 14 and it was in a schoolyard at night, there was drinking and probaly pot smoking invovled and a bunch of my friends, both male and female were standing like 20 feet away. Then afterwards I walked into a Subway restaurant and the fluorescent lights hit me like a freight train, I realized there was blood all over my clothes and I went home to put them in the wash, clean myself up and go to bed.

I also got head from the same girl before that on the lawn of a church and a bunch of older girls from highschool walked by and saw us and recognized me and said something about it to me at school on monday, I was embarassed.

that same girl had also given me my first case of blue balls after making out on a rock and having a boner for like half an hour I walked home. I could barely walk felt like I got hoofed in the nuts by a horse, didn't know what it was and didn't know that I probably could have alleviated the issue by jerking off. It lasted for like a day and a half too, I had really really sore nuts.

[abovetheearth]

i like your lil stories.

[KennyFuckingPowers]

I have no idea where these are coming from.......but I cant say they arent enjoyable reads.

[codeine]

Haha thanks guys, I'm glad.

Experience, my good man, they come from experience!

[entendu]

I just find it weird, as a 14 year old, you weren't jerking it at least once every 2 hours anyway. How did you last a day and a half?

[bigbruise]

I was 14 and it was in a schoolyard at night, there was drinking and probaly pot smoking invovled and a bunch of my friends, both male and female were standing like 20 feet away. Then afterwards I walked into a Subway restaurant and the fluorescent lights hit me like a freight train, I realized there was blood all over my clothes and I went home to put them in the wash, clean myself up and go to bed.

I also got head from the same girl before that on the lawn of a church and a bunch of older girls from highschool walked by and saw us and recognized me and said something about it to me at school on monday, I was embarassed.

that same girl had also given me my first case of blue balls after making out on a rock and having a boner for like half an hour I walked home. I could barely walk felt like I got hoofed in the nuts by a horse, didn't know what it was and didn't know that I probably could have alleviated the issue by jerking off. It lasted for like a day and a half too, I had really really sore nuts.

 

Oh man, a good blue ball jack off is such a relieving experience. I could imaging the relief involved after a day and a half. 

[circuit bored records]

I've never experienced the phenomenon known as blue balls in my whole life. I used to do a lot of making out/dry humping in my teenage years, and it just never happened to me. Maybe I jerked off so much back then that there was never enough stuff built up down there to cause it. The way people describe it, I feel bad for anyone who has.