jtcohenour Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 That is a tattoo of a creature receiving a blumpkin. I've seen it all now, folks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Ugh ok so I'm not proud of this, but it's too funny to me to not share..... So about 4 years ago I was out drinking in my home town and I was getting flirty with this woman, who was about 40. We were outside smoking a cigarette leaning on my car and she asked why I had a handicapped plate and I told her I was missing my legs and had fake ones. So she asked if I was a veteran, which happens far too often. I told her I was not. So the night went on we chatted and all that jazz.smoked more and literally asked me like 3 more times if I was a veteran.. And I kept saying no. So it's last call and she leans over and says "I want to suck your dick" We make our way to her tiny car and get In her back seat.... Now mind you I have fake legs that don't bend well. So I'm tangled up like a fucking pretzel and she starts going to town. Right after my moment of climax and with a full mouth says "thank you for serving our country" I've never laughed so hard in my entire life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadmonkey Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Going at it with girl last night. Started with usual play, then I brought out the whipped cream and started singing that new Reggie and the full effect song (sundae, booty Sundae). we bot start laughing then start going at after playing with the cream. Blindfolds were used (important for this next bit) After about 10 minutes she goes I want to be fucked really hard, so I take off my blindfold and keep hers on, adjust the position and oblige her wish. Just as I'm about to blow I reach over the can of whipped cream and start prepping it.. I announce that I'm about to blow and spray the damn can all over the her. She was like WTF why is it so cold... Oh you SON OF A BITCH! I lick it off finish up (since it provided a nice distraction for me to continue my tour of pound town) and we laugh our asses off as we headed to the shower for round 2. jtcohenour 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dillhole Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Ugh ok so I'm not proud of this, but it's too funny to me to not share..... So about 4 years ago I was out drinking in my home town and I was getting flirty with this woman, who was about 40. We were outside smoking a cigarette leaning on my car and she asked why I had a handicapped plate and I told her I was missing my legs and had fake ones. So she asked if I was a veteran, which happens far too often. I told her I was not. So the night went on we chatted and all that jazz.smoked more and literally asked me like 3 more times if I was a veteran.. And I kept saying no. So it's last call and she leans over and says "I want to suck your dick" We make our way to her tiny car and get In her back seat.... Now mind you I have fake legs that don't bend well. So I'm tangled up like a fucking pretzel and she starts going to town. Right after my moment of climax and with a full mouth says "thank you for serving our country" I've never laughed so hard in my entire life. Wow! Just WOW! You sir are now a legend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satan Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 and the emmy for best performance goes to... ...ROADMONKEY! Tommy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrewest Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Ugh ok so I'm not proud of this, but it's too funny to me to not share..... So about 4 years ago I was out drinking in my home town and I was getting flirty with this woman, who was about 40. We were outside smoking a cigarette leaning on my car and she asked why I had a handicapped plate and I told her I was missing my legs and had fake ones. So she asked if I was a veteran, which happens far too often. I told her I was not. So the night went on we chatted and all that jazz.smoked more and literally asked me like 3 more times if I was a veteran.. And I kept saying no. So it's last call and she leans over and says "I want to suck your dick" We make our way to her tiny car and get In her back seat.... Now mind you I have fake legs that don't bend well. So I'm tangled up like a fucking pretzel and she starts going to town. Right after my moment of climax and with a full mouth says "thank you for serving our country" I've never laughed so hard in my entire life. I'm now willing to buy one of ur records simply bcuz of this story. & I'm semi drunk...on a Tuesday. Post ur FS thread link in the next half hour & I'm buying something. Get them new legs, son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjb2k1 Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 drunk on a tuesday woo! everyone knows tomorrow night is the drunkest night of the year right? forget amateur night dec 31... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrewest Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 drunk on a tuesday woo! everyone knows tomorrow night is the drunkest night of the year right? forget amateur night dec 31... I'm ready to do work. ST 2Xmas all day baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
castaway Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 I don't know why but it just now hit me how funny it is that she kept asking if you were a veteran and you said "no" multiple times and she still thought you were. She was literally feenin for the cock so hard that she couldn't even focus on your response. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottheisel Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 I don't know why but it just now hit me how funny it is that she kept asking if you were a veteran and you said "no" multiple times and she still thought you were. She was literally feenin for the cock so hard that she couldn't even focus on your response. See, I took it like she thought he was just being modest and didn't want to talk about his service. A true hero like that deserves to get his chrome polished. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
parkinglot Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 everyone knows tomorrow night is the drunkest night of the year right? forget amateur night dec 31... what is tomorrow night... also, going to grab some beers. will report back once intoxicated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjb2k1 Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 what is tomorrow night... also, going to grab some beers. will report back once intoxicated. the night before american thanksgiving! we all are like FUUUUCK FAMILY wait omg you all aren't from america herrrgh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
parkinglot Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 the night before american thanksgiving! we all are like FUUUUCK FAMILY wait omg you all aren't from america herrrgh i am an american citizen though...i should have known that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjb2k1 Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 i am an american citizen though...i should have known that. i only know that because i'm pretty sure tv or radio told me that "fact" ha. i get to be driving all night instead, also fuck this storm also i'm trying to think of a story for this thread and i got nothin YET Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satan Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 i only know that because i'm pretty sure tv or radio told me that "fact" ha. i get to be driving all night instead, also fuck this storm also i'm trying to think of a story for this thread and i got nothin YET so does this mean that this thread will have a plot twist and turn into a drunken ramble tomorrow night? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjb2k1 Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 so does this mean that this thread will have a plot twist and turn into a drunken ramble tomorrow night? man i want to tell all the "i tied her up" stories but here's the TL;DR: i fuckin tied her up and it was fuckin GLORIOUS. seriously the best, 99.9% sure she's the one god help me if she ever sees this but baby seriously you're ridic eight1echo and cwhitmuzik 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suchashorttime Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 That. Was. Awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 I feel like the long winded version of that is pretty much on par with Chris Rock going off at the end of Blame Game. "That was some cirque de soleil shit! Got damn!" #yeezyreupholsteredmypussy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinisterkidd Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 This thread makes me wish I got down and dirty... Maybe tonight? Probs not though.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 This thread makes me wish I got down and dirty... Maybe tonight? Probs not though.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcguirk Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 This thread makes me wish I got down and dirty... Maybe tonight? Probs not though.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suchashorttime Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Go out tonight and try your luck with an old fling or someone other than a random. Show your old fling thanks but letting them climax first. mcguirk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 here is the filthiest story I have: I worked for a fast food restaurant when I was 16. I became good friends with one of the cooks there. we would hang out after work sometimes. He lived in this small cabin type thing. No TV or anything. just a mattress on the floor. bowl filled with cigarette butts. these are all useless details. anyway he would usually help me take out the trash and grease bucket at the end of the night when it was my turn. this one particular night, the grease bucket was worse than usual. He carried it for me. we stood by the dumpster, a mixture of lard and oil pooled by our feet. discarded chicken bones rested in the corner. one of the trash bags had a tear in it, and a leaking, milky substance was slowly crawling it's way toward us. It was in the 90s that summer. a horrible smell enveloped us. he stepped close and his shoe made a squish noise. he pushed the hair out of my face with a gloved hand covered in gravy. “can I kiss you” he asked.“No” I said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinisterkidd Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Hahahahaha that's great Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinisterkidd Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Go out tonight and try your luck with an old fling or someone other than a random. Show your old fling thanks but letting them climax first.We'll see what happens, I know a lot of girls going out tonight. Hopefully this one girl comes...but also I'm the DD and I'm a lot less sociable when not drunk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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