Small Talk Revival Thread

[henster311]

I had to drink two giant bottles. And it was disgusting. But I had complications so they ended up doing an iodine IV.

The tech got in trouble when he came running out and said "whoa, you got a giant growth in you. Probably a tumor"

yeah this is my third time drinking this crap...i got to choose my flavor this time. "berry smoothie"

and now, i actually look forward to the dye the put in you and makes you feel like youre pissing your pants...its fun now.

 

haha thats kinda funny though...i would have laughed, especially in situations like that. surgery and what not.  

[Emo Revival]

Purchased the invitations to our wedding tonight, shits getting real!

[abovetheearth]

yeah this is my third time drinking this crap...i got to choose my flavor this time. "berry smoothie"

and now, i actually look forward to the dye the put in you and makes you feel like youre pissing your pants...its fun now.

 

haha thats kinda funny though...i would have laughed, especially in situations like that. surgery and what not.  

Totally laughed. The MD didn't like it but I didn't care. I'm allergic to iodine. I told them this. The nurse said: chances are its only topical, and if anything happens, we have a full staff.

Gee. Thx.

She did say I'd feel like I pissed my pants and have a metallic taste in mouth. both true. My crotch area was on fire!

[6heart6breaker6]

I don’t know if there are any mennas around you, but I remember being really drunk and going there late one night/early one morning. my friend got a french T dub and it was the best thing ever. He gave me half. it was pieces of french toast, scrambled eggs, sausage, hashbrowns, cheese, onions, fucking everything.... drizzled with syrup wrapped in a warm tortilla. I never had one again and probably never will because I’m sure it’s terrible for you. but damn it was good.

 

 

Holy shit thats actually a chain?!?! I thought there was only one in kzoo

[6heart6breaker6]

WAIT. Are you over it already? I mean, if you are that's fantastic, but I'm always bed ridden for at least a week whenever I come down with it.

 

Breakfast sandwiches: The standard bacon/egg/cheese....with [this is important]: home fries ON the sandwich. It's seriously the best thing ever.

I went to San Diego in January 2012 and there was this one burrito joint that put potato in their veggie burrito and it was the best burrito I've ever had.  I've not been able to find another mexican restaurant that has done this and I can't figure out why. But this is the reason why potatoes made its way onto my breakfast sandwiches.

 

 

Yeh I went to the doc, I couldn't handle it. They gave me drugs that made me slow but now they make me fast, but side effects are kicking in strangely. Nothing serious though. I was out of pain completely from the drugs within 48 hours and the swelling is nearly history. Thanks for the concern! And sorry for double post, but hey the more the merrier I s'pose.

[futures]

Yeh I went to the doc, I couldn't handle it. They gave me drugs that made me slow but now they make me fast, but side effects are kicking in strangely. Nothing serious though. I was out of pain completely from the drugs within 48 hours and the swelling is nearly history. Thanks for the concern! And sorry for double post, but hey the more the merrier I s'pose.

That's great to hear. What medication were you on? I always get prescribed omixicillin and it takes forever for me to start feeling better. I wish I could just have my tonsils removed lol.

[6heart6breaker6]

That, some acetaminophen-codeine, and some steroid that i forgot. and a shot in my butt :-\

 

 

I liked my tonsils up until now. This means war.

[BuzzersonKillwell]

I had mine out when I was 16, the recovery period sucked but not as bad as the lead up to it. Having someone stick a 10in needle into the mouth while trying to drain fluid from somewhere in the back of my throat is low on my list of things to do again. 

[Green Tea Papi]

Just wondering did you guys like the compilation album I put together?

[Green Tea Papi]

Don't see Fast And Furious 6

[futures]

That, some acetaminophen-codeine, and some steroid that i forgot. and a shot in my butt :-\

 

 

I liked my tonsils up until now. This means war.

Wow, that's quite the cocktail.  Glad it worked for you though.

 

Yeah my tonsils are now permenantly the size of quarters because of Tonsilitis and there's nothing I can do about it.

Do you think you'll get yours removed?

[cwhitmuzik]

Don't see Fast And Furious 6

wait people other than the ones in lower class america wanted to see this?

classic teenageeric

[ronniegwilliams]

I want to see it, I will see it, and chances are I will probably enjoy it

[fooood]

I herd it was good. I mean come on the rock is in it'!

[thebiglebowski]

It's got a 7.8 on IMDB. Usually movies like this start high and settle in a little lower. Biggest fans see it first. Probably ends up in the low sevens.

 

Given that Fast 5 has a 7.3, if you liked that one you should like this one. It also has the same writer and director. 

[6heart6breaker6]

Wow, that's quite the cocktail.  Glad it worked for you though.

 

Yeah my tonsils are now permenantly the size of quarters because of Tonsilitis and there's nothing I can do about it.

Do you think you'll get yours removed?

 

I have no idea! They feel fine now, and I think they look fine. We'll see, I have to make a long pedal now and if I'm breathing too hard, then I may worry, but I've never been a fan of surgery. Taking a pen cap clip out of my stomach was quite enough...

[futures]

You can't mention the pen cap surgery and expect me not to ask you about it, haha.

[mcm1610]

Oh, I haven't read anything but the last post, but boy do I have a story!  It's my favorite to tell.  It involves strippers, pens, one of my best friends for almost 20 years, two different bosses, and a lot of supporting cast members.  It's really a great story when my friend Matt and I can be together to tell it from both perspectives, but I'll just piece it together.

 

I can't decide if I should tell it chronologically by what occurs when, or chronologically by what we find out.  I'll just start typing and we'll see how it comes.

 

The story will follow in the next post I make.

[mcm1610]

The setting:

 

Buffalo, NY in early February of 2010.  Matt and I are both managers at an ice rink, and President's Day weekend we have a pretty big tournament.  We sign up for extra shifts for events like these, so Matt takes the Saturday morning shift.  Matt is a known partier, so our one boss already is skeptical about whether this is a good idea for an early shift, but Matt is actually really good about showing up to work no matter what.

 

The build-up:

 

A new strip club just opened, and Matt has been frequenting it quite a bit because, well why not?  Who doesn't like strippers, especially when the place actually serves good steak, too?

 

Friday Night:

 

Matt has an open-bar fundraiser around Happy Hour.  He goes and starts drinking hard because it's an open bar.  Afterwards he ends up going downtown with one of the strippers who he had befriended, but at the one club, they kick him out because he threw up.  He and the girl go to another club.  After hanging out there for a bit, he goes out to his car for something.  While he does that, his stripper friend waits around the corner of the bar smoking a cigarette.

 

Matt is walking back from his car and sees three guys around the girl.  He assumes they know her and thinks nothing of it at first.  As he gets closer, he sees that the girl is upset and they seem to be giving her a hard time.  He walks up and says, "what's going on?"  One of the three replies, "you better get the fuck out of here if you know what's good for you." (just like any character in a movie would say, right?)  In his mind, Matt goes, "alright..." and starts walking away, then clenches his fist and takes a HUGE charging 5-step swing at one of the guys and just blasts the guy in the jaw.  The guy drops.  Matt starts to turn toward the next guy but BLAM!  He's hit hard by something from behind, blacks out, and drops to the ground.

 

Saturday morning: ~6:45am.

 

My phone rings, and it's my boss, but not the one who questioned whether Matt should work that morning. A different boss.  Call him G.  [we'll call the other boss M.. that comes later]  I squint at my phone, because I'm blind.  

G - "Hey, uh.. do you know where Matt is?"

Me - "uh.. no.... he didn't show up?"

G - "No, he's not here and he usually calls if something comes up or he's going to be late.  He's never just outright missed a shift before."

Me - "I dunno.. he's probably dead in a gutter somewhere."

G - "Well, I'm actually a little worried because like I said this is unusual, he never no-call-no-shows"

Me - "Alright, I'll call around and see if I can find him and I'll let you know."

 

I hang up, try to call him and it goes right to voicemail.  I send him a text saying G was looking for him, then call one other friend who doesn't answer because it's not even 7am on a Saturday.  I figured it was pointless to keep calling, so I go back to sleep.

 

About 45 minutes or an hour later I get another call.  It's G again.

G - "Any word?"

Me - "No, no one answered.  His phone is off, but I'm guessing you knew that already."

G - "Yea, we tried calling him.  We're short a person right now, though, so can you come in?"

Me - "uh.. yea, I'll be there in 20 minutes"

 

I'm thinking, what an asshole, you better be in a gutter now.  I work the shift til mid-afternoon or so, then go home, still no one has heard from him.

 

About 8pm I get a text from a co-worker:

 

"Holy shit! Matt was really almost dead!"

 

Matt, without his phone, showed up to work just to check in.  Here's where we learn the rest of the story.

 

Back-up to Saturday morning.

 

Matt wakes up in the hospital, turns his head and opens his eyes to see his mom, his dad (they're divorced), and the stripper sitting in the room.  His  mom immediately stands up and with angry-yet-disappointed-while-still-relieved tears leaves the room quickly.  His dad actually starts laughing.  The stripper just sits uncomfortably and then a nurse walked in.  The nurse explained that he had been knocked out, broke his nose, had a gash over his eye, dislocated a wrist, broke two ribs, and took quite a beating otherwise.  .

 

The nurse goes through the standard check-out stuff, then goes, "oh, do you want this?"  She holds up a bag filled with a bloody pen.  Matt responds, "no, what the hell would I want with that?"  The nurse adds this info: "We had to cut this out of you.  It was jutting out of your chest; we had to siphon the ink out of your blood."

 

Matt: "Wait... you gotta back up."

 

From here, the stripper tells much more of the story.

 

Back up again to Friday night as Matt is first hit and drops to the ground.

 

As soon as he hits the ground, the two standing guys start stomping the shit out of him.  The stripper runs around the corner to the bar to grab the bouncer.  When she comes back, the three have done a good job on Matt, rifled through his pockets trying to take anything of value.  His wallet was stolen, and they went to take his phone but it was a shit flip phone so they spiked it back at him.  As they ran away, one found a pen on the ground, stopped, picked it up, then turned and stabbed Matt in the chest right over his heart.

 

The stripper gets back to him, the bouncer went back in to call 911, and Matt is in and out of consciousness.  He's alert enough to know he doesn't have health insurance so he convinces the girl to help him into the car and drive him to the hospital instead of taking the $1000-taxi ride.  Then he blacks out for good, probably bleeding out because his BAC when they measured him at the hospital was about a .35 at the time.  They couldn't even give him medicine because they were afraid his blood was too thin as it was.

 

Now up to Saturday morning again.  The stripper is gone, and he's walking out of the hospital with his mom and dad.  His dad laughs and says, "at least you left me with something to look at."  His mom, again near crying, says, "do you know what you said in the middle of the night?"  Matt obviously doesn't.  While the nurse was talking to him and everyone was in the room, he goes, "this means she's gotta put out, right?"  His mom wasn't a fan.  

 

When Matt gets home Saturday night, he calls his voicemail.  M, the other boss, had left him about 5 voicemails, each one progressively angrier. He was swearing in the last couple, actually yelling into the phone, meanwhile, Matt nearly was dead in a gutter like I joked about.

 

Prologue:

Matt saw the girl exactly one more time and never did get to hook up with her.

I have since made sure that every new employee we get at the ice rink hears this story.

He has since had 2 or 3 other near-death experiences, one a texting-while-driving story where G texted him bc Matt had told him he was going to be about 5 min late to work.  G responded "ok" and while Matt was reading it, he drove up the front of a snow-plow and completely rolled his truck, which was totaled.  He had a MASSIVE concussion from that one and had headaches months later from it.  But he's still alive, somehow.

 

Around the time of this story, his "catchphrase" was "living the dream!"  Anytime anyone called him out for doing something not-smart, that was his response.  I had always told him he should write a book about his life, so when this happened, I told him that the title for this chapter of the book was pretty obvious: "The dream nearly ends."

[futures]

Holy crap.  It's kind of not funny in the sense that your friend could've legit died, but the fact that he survived definitely makes for a story that you can tell for years to come.

[Green Tea Papi]

This is the hot new jam of 2013

[RowBearToe]

You can't mention the pen cap surgery and expect me not to ask you about it, haha.

 

Yeah dude, let's hear it haha

[David The Gnome]

That story was absurd, not to mention entertaining. Glad your friend made it out of that alive!

[GradedOnACurve]

I never thought I'd say this but I really wish my job would lay me off right now. I have to finish my master's by December and my job is the biggest obstacle. I gotta eat right?

[Guest]

I thoroughly enjoyed that story mcm.