-tess. Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 So I stopped texting this new girl about three days ago and she hasn't contacted me since. I feel that she may have been a pleasant distraction from my ex, because once I stopped texting her daily the dreams started coming back. Since then, I've been in a bit of a funk; something just feels off, but I can't quite place it. Whenever little memories begin to bubble up, I just perish the thought and force a distraction. My creative boon as shifted from a frenzied passion to a contrived inclination to begrudgingly write a new piece a day. I still haven't given up, but the subject has been tainted... Honestly dude, I've avoided saying anything because I feel like I've been there before but this stuff is dangerous. She is just what you think she is. A distraction. She may be an amazing person, but honestly. You probably just need time on your own. Just my random possible way wrong opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deafening Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 deliberately farting at the bar to see if the relationship has long term potential. Best dating advice I've seen in both threads put together. WAXXX 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad Heart Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 Best dating advice I've seen in both threads put together. No This Is Patrick 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cambionic Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Honestly dude, I've avoided saying anything because I feel like I've been there before but this stuff is dangerous. She is just what you think she is. A distraction. She may be an amazing person, but honestly. You probably just need time on your own. Just my random possible way wrong opinion. I struggled with this fact from the very beginning. I was haunted by anxiety for a while after the breakup; dreams/nightmares plagued me every time I so much as closed my eyes, every girl I came in contact with was unjustly (and uncompromisingly) compared to my ex, and I felt dazed and deluded during my daily activities. Anything I did felt like a distraction - the music I made, the art I produced, the standup I wrote - it was all just to occupy my mind and push out thoughts about her. But then this girl came along and I felt something new. It was something I hadn't felt in nearly half a decade, since my newly concluded relationship was blossoming and still new. I felt a creative surge, a new-found reason to get up every morning. My thoughts were consumed with her throughout the day. I'd find myself slipping off into daydreams while at work. I was writing poetry and music that didn't just devolve into depressing loneliness ballads. We were texting daily, separated between the few hours of freedom she had between jobs. I felt comfortable with her, honest, genuine. Then the responses become sporadic, with protracted expanses of time in between. They were laconic and uninvolved (or so it seemed). Soon enough, my texts wouldn't be answered at all. Days would pass without so much as a word. That brings us to now. I waited five days before texting her, asking if she wanted to grab lunch again. No response. I'm assuming she completely lost interest now, but I would rather her be direct and forthright with her apprehensions. It'd eliminate this "up in the air" feeling that I've been dealing with for the past week. At least give me closure or something. And so I'll smoke another cigarette and go back to writing sad songs and vitriolic poetry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 When I started seeing jimmy I was seeing ring guy (as many of you will remember) and I had just stopped answering him, which is totally dick of me but I was an avoider at that time. Anyway, ring guy finally texted me and said something like 'either you've been really busy or I should take this as a hint and quick contacting you, could you tell me which it is' and I appreciated how he was upfront about the situation. It really made me realize how rude I'd become. Just because we can hide behind a phone doesn't mean we should leave someone with unanswered questions and feelings. Did she have the same romantic feelings for you? or was it more one-sided? Maybe she didn't put as much stock in the friendship as you did and now she sees no problem silently withdrawing herself from the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cambionic Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 When I started seeing jimmy I was seeing ring guy (as many of you will remember) and I had just stopped answering him, which is totally dick of me but I was an avoider at that time. Anyway, ring guy finally texted me and said something like 'either you've been really busy or I should take this as a hint and quick contacting you, could you tell me which it is' and I appreciated how he was upfront about the situation. It really made me realize how rude I'd become. Just because we can hide behind a phone doesn't mean we should leave someone with unanswered questions and feelings. Did she have the same romantic feelings for you? or was it more one-sided? Maybe she didn't put as much stock in the friendship as you did and now she sees no problem silently withdrawing herself from the situation. I have been contemplating sending a message very similar to that. We definitely had heart to hearts and were open with each other, but I think I may have come on a little strong with my writing. I might just consider it a lesson learned. Really, I think I'm still fucked up from the dissolution of my relationship and I just dragged her into my emotional turmoil unintentionally. And it's a real shame, because she's a catch. I guess I'll just have to put faith into the old aphorism "There's plenty of fish in the sea"... even if a lot of them are sharks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+hecollec+or Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I guess I'll just have to put faith into the old aphorism "There's plenty of fish in the sea"... even if a lot of them are sharks. As cliche & slightly annoying as that phrase can be, it really is true. Sometimes it takes years & years to wade through "sharks" to get that one special angelfish. But in the end it's worth all the bullshit when you find that someone. You're still reeling from what sounded like a super important relationship in your life, so you have a ways to go. I wouldn't try getting into anything just yet. Give yourself ample time to figure shit out & slowly but surely you'll find someone worth your energy. I realize all this has been said to you before... but I feel terrible reading about your whole situation so I felt like reinforcing some of these points to show you things will be all right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cambionic Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 As cliche & slightly annoying as that phrase can be, it really is true. Sometimes it takes years & years to wade through "sharks" to get that one special angelfish. But in the end it's worth all the bullshit when you find that someone. You're still reeling from what sounded like a super important relationship in your life, so you have a ways to go. I wouldn't try getting into anything just yet. Give yourself ample time to figure shit out & slowly but surely you'll find someone worth your energy. I realize all this has been said to you before... but I feel terrible reading about your whole situation so I felt like reinforcing some of these points to show you things will be all right. I might be a serial monogamist, or I'm just desperately trying to fill the void left by my ex. Either way, it feels really empty without a significant other in my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+hecollec+or Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I might be a serial monogamist, or I'm just desperately trying to fill the void left by my ex. Either way, it feels really empty without a significant other in my life. Ah ok, I can understand that. I've personally had relatively large gaps in between relationships. Never felt like I had to have a sig other. But I get where you're coming from, & it can be tough. Just do your best to realize it's ok just being with yourself for a while. Who knows, you might learn a bunch about yourself in the process. cambionic and ̮ ɤ ̮ 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladewillisisdead Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I was totally stoked and ready to be single for awhile but then immediately met someone who was insanely perfect for me. Life is weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WAXXX Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 i'd suggest seeing other people and play the field. you don't have to screw everyone you date and human-human interaction is a good thing. would also recommend you cut off all communication with homegirl. you went overboard with the poetry and emotions, and most likely scared her off. all it takes is one of her friends to laugh at the poems to peer pressure or embarrass her about the relationship. yes, people can be that fickle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cambionic Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 i'd suggest seeing other people and play the field. you don't have to screw everyone you date and human-human interaction is a good thing. would also recommend you cut off all communication with homegirl. you went overboard with the poetry and emotions, and most likely scared her off. all it takes is one of her friends to laugh at the poems to peer pressure or embarrass her about the relationship. yes, people can be that fickle. Admittedly, the poetry and music was probably a bad move, though it did catch her attention - and was most likely what secured the attraction in the first place. I shot her a text earlier today admitting the fault and that it'd likely be better we went our separate ways. The good thing is that there are a whole lot more beautiful women out there that'd appreciate a hipster musician artsy type. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarzioo_ Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Admittedly, the poetry and music was probably a bad move, though it did catch her attention - and was most likely what secured the attraction in the first place. I shot her a text earlier today admitting the fault and that it'd likely be better we went our separate ways. The good thing is that there are a whole lot more beautiful women out there that'd appreciate a hipster musician artsy type. People are all different and like different things. I can definitely be a bit much to deal with at first and most don't understand my humor but you'll find someone who really likes all of that stuff and won't just disappear. The guy that I'm talking to now definitely has the same sense of humor and we often say the exact same thing at the exact same time so we are already bored and hate each other (jk) just be you and you'll find someone who is looking just for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cambionic Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 People are all different and like different things. I can definitely be a bit much to deal with at first and most don't understand my humor but you'll find someone who really likes all of that stuff and won't just disappear. The guy that I'm talking to now definitely has the same sense of humor and we often say the exact same thing at the exact same time so we are already bored and hate each other (jk) just be you and you'll find someone who is looking just for that. It scares me a little to be myself, because I get so much advice to be "cool" and "aloof" when interacting with women. I'm more of an upfront and honest guy who doesn't really hide feelings or play games. Undoubtedly, I've had a rather successful track record being myself, but now that I'm out of a seven year relationship, it all feels so brand new. I feel like a "new man" and that the dating scene has radically changed since I was last single. I know that I'm trying to rush things and fall in love too soon. I've joked about how I want a 2 year relationship in 6 months, but it's the truth. I yearn for the comfortability, the understanding, the security and satisfaction of a long term relationship. I was just so adjusted to being in a long term relationship that it's difficult to acclimate to a new one. I will concede that being single has helped me step outside of my comfort zone a little. I've been doing things that I always found an excuse to avoid - standup comedy, forming (several) bands, going out on a limb. I always found justification to stay home with my ex, because it was comfortable and easier. I rationalized my pseudo-antisocial behaviors as spending time with her. Now that she's not here, I don't have that fallback. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I might be a serial monogamist, or I'm just desperately trying to fill the void left by my ex. Either way, it feels really empty without a significant other in my life. This is exactly the way I felt when I got out of an awful long term relationship with my high school boyfriend. I didnt even know who 'single Madie' was anymore. And that was the problem. You should find peace being alone. Be able to fill that void she left with yourself and not with another girl. Once you have an emotionally rich and satisfying single life, you'll probably be more ready to date again... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad Heart Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) Yikes. Edited February 1, 2017 by Dave Grohl WAXXX 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek™ Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Freshly single miserable-bastard VC Caspian meetup of 2015; let's do this, Matt. I'll buy you a drink or two. Sad Heart 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Butcha Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Freshly single miserable-bastard VC Caspian meetup of 2015; let's do this, Matt. I'll buy you a drink or two. I'm in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad Heart Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Freshly single miserable-bastard VC Caspian meetup of 2015; let's do this, Matt. I'll buy you a drink or two. Oh Derek, you are such a sweetheart. You know me all too well. Let's do it, man. And I'm buying you 5 in return. I'm in. I told you, you're auto-invited to everything, dude. <3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cambionic Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I can't wait until I can move out all of my shit from my ex's place. I haven't been able to spin a record for over two months! We had an amicable breakup - so I've hosted no fears that she'd destroy anything. But I have to work around her schedule to process (i.e. open, inner/outer sleeve, shelve) all the records that have been coming in the mail over the last two months. I've had nearly 30 new records that I can't even listen to just stack up in my queue. It's gonna be a glorious day once I get a new apartment and can move all my shit into it. Such a glorious day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiatorhums Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 The trick with a relationship is to treat it like camping. Whenever you go over to a boy/girlfriend's place, you pack in and pack out. Leave no trace! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarzioo_ Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 The trick with a relationship is to treat it like camping. Whenever you go over to a boy/girlfriend's place, you pack in and pack out. Leave no trace! But what about when this happens ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiatorhums Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 ^ That's how you know the relationship is over and you should move on to a new campsite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarzioo_ Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 ^ That's how you know the relationship is over and you should move on to a new campsite. Hahahah. Yes !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladew1ll1s1sdead Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I've just settled into not looking for a relationship ever and if something happens, cool. If not, cool. Derek™ and +hecollec+or 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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