scottheisel Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 i'm not exactly asking for advice or help here, just blabbering about my problems. Then start writing in a journal privately. If you don't want our help or our input, then don't post this kind of stuff in here. It upsets me greatly that you're essentially phoning in life right now (especially when there are kids involved ), and it upsets me even more that you're just sitting there wallowing in self-pity and not taking anyone's advice or suggestions. I'm not trying to make this about me or about VC or anything else, but I think it's pretty shitty of you to just act like fucking Eeyore on here ESPECIALLY when people want to assist you. You're an adult; act like one. If not for yourself then for your kids, man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadmonkey Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 i refuse therapy because i'm stubborn like that. Dude I know what you are going through with this, lately I've been on a fucking roller coaster of hell, it sucks. There are days when I'm ok and stable, but there are days when I'm do fucking depressed that I just want to curl in a ball and not deal with anyone or anything. When I was first going through all this shit, I went to a therapist, and I wasn't satisfied cause it wasn't helping me as fast as I wanted it to. Probably one of the dumbest mistakes I made during this time. I have recently restarted going with the intention of giving it a serious try. So far it's been me regurgitating everything I have said before, things I've screamed at walls about, things I've gone over with friends and stuff. I can't say right now that it is helping or not, but I do know that it takes time. It takes a fucking long time. You need to be willing to realize that and put in the time. You can't be stubborn, you can't just give up. No one is worth it, girlfriend, boyfriend, parent, family member, etc. No one is worth you being such a mess over. You are in a much different position than me because while I have the option to go to a therapist to get my shit in order again, I see you as having no choice in the matter because you literally have lives that depend on you keeping your shit together. Don't be afraid to slip every now and again, it will happen, you have to be forgiving to yourself more than anything. Remember, she left you, she fucked it all up, you tried to keep it together, you did all you could, in the end it didn't work out. You have to be good with that. You have to be proud that you did try. A therapist can help you find your happiness and focus on that. Maybe try doing something that you gave up doing when you decided to be with her that made you happy, but didn't make her happy. I wouldn't think about getting back into a serious relationship with anyone. Maybe focus on building a deeper friendship with someone, someone who can be there for you when you do slip, guy or girl (be careful if it's a girl though, cause you don't want to mistake her for being there for you as wants to be in a relationship with you). Therapists help, but you also need some really good and close buds around to help pick you up and dust you off. The ones that laugh with you and the ones that hold you up when you are down are the ones you need. Hug your kids more, I may not have any but I swear those I know that do say that no matter what is going on a hug from their kids makes everything go away. TLDR: Go to a therapist, know that it will take a really damn long time and put in that time, hang with close buds, hug your kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonesomexloveus Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 talk to your doctor about getting some sort of medication like lexapro for your depression, at least until you can dig yourself out of the hole you're in right now. i'm one of the last people to recommend medicating to solve problems, but sometimes you just need that kick in the butt physically. depression is a physical thing as much as a mental thing, and if it's as bad as you say, your body is probably way out of whack chemically and you need to help it right itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almightyseancore Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 no doctor. no insurance. also scott, i mentioned i was going through stuff that could be discussed here, that was all. maddie asked me to explain, so i did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadmonkey Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 Maybe a free group therapy? Edit: Please don't take us getting at you, we are trying to help you get the help that you need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottheisel Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 Any free or cheap clinics in your area? There are: http://www.freemedicalsearch.org/cit/mo-st_louis kirtah777 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dashhax Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 I am in need of some advice. I've been seeing this girl for about 5 months now not boyfriend/girlfriend just dating. We work in the same building but different departments and recently we got a new hire in my department. She is a woman and we have never had any females in our department before. As soon as the new girl started working the girl I am dating asked me questions about her which is understandable. Here is where the problem comes in for me the girl I'm dating went out later that night with three other guys that she works with. I'm cool with that I'm fine with her having guy friends but later that night she texted me asking what I was up to. I responded saying homework and she responded with "She Just Got Home" It was 12 am So naturally I asked her what she was doing. She told me hanging out with the guys from work which she doesn't do very often if at all. I feel as though she is trying to make me feel jealous so I played it non nonchalant and said cool. I feel as though she might have gotten jealous about this new women who works with me but I did nothing wrong she simple saw me talking to her showing her the ropes. My question is do you think she is trying to make me jealous and would it be in my best interest to not hang out with her for a few days or just keep as though nothing has happened or changed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 Move on unless you love drama. NEXT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seangj Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 Sounds like she is trying to make you jealous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dashhax Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 Thanks for the advice guys. I would move on if she was just a onetime thing but I really do care about her. I tend to over think things way to much and I thought that it could just be in my mind she is trying to make me jealous. I'd bring it up to her but I dont want to make it seem like im jealous and play into her hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuzzersonKillwell Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 Every Man Advice Post Ever: "Here is my dilemma!" "It is a bad situation, you should move on." "Thanks for the advice guys, but this one is special and I'm going to try and work it out!" See you in a month. (I think this joke might even be recycled from a post I made a few months back but I'm too lazy to look. So, really, I'm no better.) scottheisel, hobohunter48, oohdoiloveyou and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 get your happily married ass outta here jefferson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
controlthebleeding Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 Every Man Advice Post Ever: "Here is my dilemma!" "It is a bad situation, you should move on." "Thanks for the advice guys, but this one is special and I'm going to try and work it out!" See you in a month. (I think this joke might even be recycled from a post I made a few months back but I'm too lazy to look. So, really, I'm no better.) haha. sooo true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuzzersonKillwell Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 get your happily married ass outta here jefferson I kid because I care. I'm here to help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David The Gnome Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 Thanks for the advice guys. I would move on if she was just a onetime thing but I really do care about her. I tend to over think things way to much and I thought that it could just be in my mind she is trying to make me jealous. I'd bring it up to her but I dont want to make it seem like im jealous and play into her hands. I'd just ride it out. If she's trying to make you jealous and you didn't bite the first time around; she'll likely try again, especially if she gets jealous again. If she wasn't trying to make you jealous nothing else will likely arise and you'll see that it was just in your head. It's so damn easy to get stuck in your head, especially in these situations. I know that I always try to remind myself to stay present and in the moment and generally, it helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KennyFuckingPowers Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 wow I have missed a lot.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronniegwilliams Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 Thanks for the advice guys. I would move on if she was just a onetime thing but I really do care about her. I tend to over think things way to much and I thought that it could just be in my mind she is trying to make me jealous. I'd bring it up to her but I dont want to make it seem like im jealous and play into her hands. You should just be honest with her buddy, tell her you aren't into games and ask if those were her intentions. Everyone here has the "just move on" mentality, but you need to remember that everyone is different, and everyone is a product of past relationships. Maybe she has a reason to be jealous because of some jabroni in the past and maybe playing bullshit games is what helped her with that relationship. If you care about her, take the initiative to have an honest conversation with her. It could help her realize what she's doing that upsets you so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronniegwilliams Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 Sean, I get that life sucks and that shit is hard to overcome. After my divorce I hit the fucking rails hard and gave very few shits about anything that wasn't inside a bourbon bottle. I regret not caring then, more than anything. You aren't going to feel any better if you just keep drinking. All you are doing is repressing all of the emotions that you need to go through. They are still there, and they aren't going to go anywhere unless you nut up and deal with them. I drank a fuck ton, seriously, a fuck ton. I'm not proud of it, but it's what I thought that I needed to do to get through what was going on. When I quit drinking those same feelings of loss, rejection, and loneliness were still there waiting for me. You're making excuses right now, I know because I did the very same. If I could go back I would stop drinking much much sooner than I should have. almightyseancore 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcm1610 Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 To give friend-zoned guys everywhere hope, I am now dating a girl I've been close with for almost exactly a decade. While we saw other people over the years, I always tried to push the issue of me and her dating, and I finally broke her spirit enough that she agreed. Persistence! cbbrew22 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcm1610 Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 You should just be honest with her buddy, tell her you aren't into games and ask if those were her intentions. Everyone here has the "just move on" mentality, but you need to remember that everyone is different, and everyone is a product of past relationships. Maybe she has a reason to be jealous because of some jabroni in the past and maybe playing bullshit games is what helped her with that relationship. If you care about her, take the initiative to have an honest conversation with her. It could help her realize what she's doing that upsets you so much. ^ This. Call her out and be like, "yo, knock that off." If you can't be open with each other and trust each other, call it quits because it won't work out in the long run anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwiftCat Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 Since this was a year ago I'm curious to now how it went and there is 182 pages... Can someone please direct me to the. Page that haswhat happened and if it was successful lol... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadmonkey Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 To give friend-zoned guys everywhere hope, I am now dating a girl I've been close with for almost exactly a decade. While we saw other people over the years, I always tried to push the issue of me and her dating, and I finally broke her spirit enough that she agreed. Persistence! Nothing like playing the long game. Congrats dude! Here's hoping my friend-zoned subject gets the hint.. till then, it's open season LOL.. now to find a date or 2.. sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronniegwilliams Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 Speaking of habits built from exes, my girl and I got into our first fight yesterday and I realized that I shut down completely when I get upset. This isn't a good thing at all, and it's something I had to do with my ex because we fought so much over the dumbest shit. She was crying and I didn't seem to care much, even though I know I should have. When she asked if she should leave I said yes. When she got up to leave I realized how cold I was being and immediately asked her to stay so we could work it out. Anyone else have any bad habits they developed from past relationships? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
controlthebleeding Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 the only habit that i was taught from past relationships are that i have a hard time trusting anyone, mainly because my curiosities were right, so i just don't involve myself in relationships.. which now i regret, because who's gonna go out with my old ass. everyone in my age group is already married/with someone, or bat shit crazy. in other news today, a woman told me she should have a drink with me when i said i was just gonna be on my porch drinking beer. then we started talking about dogs (which i don't have, but my roomie does and he loves me dearly) so she showed me hers on her phone. i hope she comes back. she is a doll. at least a 8 or 9/10. wayyyyy too good looking to be seen with my gray haired ass. but she was super nice, and i need more female friends if only for friends (well besides my roommate). i put the ball in her court and she didnt bite, so i let it go. figured she was just speaking in jest. i never got any beer though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbruise Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 You're mostly depressing. Cheer up, geez. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts